The new year is here, meaning it's time for resolutions, and yes, that also includes in the sex department. Why focus on change or limitation when you can increase your happiness by doing more for yourself in the bedroom? So get intimate with your partner more often and make the sex you're already having even better with our tips below!
1. Redefine What Sex Means to You
When you think "sex," does intercourse come to mind? You're not alone. But vaginal penetration is far from the only activity that brings pleasure and builds deeper intimacy with your partner. We might even go so far as to say that it's not the best way to do it, either. Consider the many ways that this laser-focus on intercourse leads to routine sex that might not be all that pleasurable. For example, you might start with kissing, move to oral, and finish with penetration, the end of which is marked by ejaculation. Because intercourse is considered the highest form of sex, everything else is relegated to foreplay, even though oral and manual stimulation are precisely what many women need to have better sex or more orgasms. This lackluster effort may even be a step up from no foreplay at all.
The answer to all of this is simply an attitude shift. Think beyond intercourse, genitals, and orgasms. Focus instead on connecting and exploring with your partner or even just by yourself. Why fall into the same routine when sex can start, end, and pick up again in different ways? Redefining sex opens you up to all sorts of new experiences and pleasures.
2. Talk About It
Somehow we've gotten to this point where many people have sex without ever really talking about it. They haven't discussed their hottest fantasies or preferences with their partners, especially those women who are often taught not to make waves. But if you want to have great sex now and ensure it keeps getting better, you need to talk about it!
Talking about sex doesn't need to be a big deal. Start by saying what feels good (moaning can make sex better for you both) or asking for adjustments in bed. Something as small as "softer" can make a big difference! Discussing those things you like about sex with your partner can help them happen more often--and get your engine running too.
When discussing room for improvement, pick a neutral time and place that's low-stress. During or right after you're intimate usually aren't the best times. Remember to emphasize that you care about your partner and want to build even more intimacy. The fact that you feel safe lets you discuss your needs. Then, you can suggest a few things you want to try. Remember to be open to your partner's needs and fantasies in return. After all, sex is about both of you.
3. Prioritize Sex
We could just have easily told you to schedule sex, but many people balk at the idea because it's not attractive. Perhaps that's why it's still one of the most necessary sex tips for women. Still, scheduled sex is better than not having sex because life got in the way. Setting this time aside to be with your partner shows that intimacy is a priority.
Keep in mind that scheduling sex doesn't mean you hop into bed at the same time every week. Instead, you set aside time to connect with your partner and enjoy some one-on-one time. If you have sex, that's great. If not, that's okay too. The time spent together is what matters.
4. Accept Yourself
Ask nearly any woman how she feels about her body, and you're likely to hear some intense criticism, much of which isn't rooted in reality. No one is perfect, and bodies change. Even if you feel like your best days are behind you, your lover still appreciates and desires your body. So when you strip down next, remember to: Appreciate all your body does for you and look at yourself with a softer gaze.
Doing this will help you open up and enjoy the moment instead of constantly monitoring yourself. If you need a boost of confidence, focus more on sensations than anxious thoughts. Remember to include your sense of taste, smell, and sound, too. Sex isn't just about what you feel and see!
5. Learn How to Get--and Stay--Aroused
Two of the most beneficial sex tips in Dr. Emily Nagoski's book about women's sexual desire are about women with libidos and different types of triggers.
Most women who have libidos need something to respond to, which is precisely why you may not desire sex out of the blue even if you enjoy sex after it begins. Instead, you need to trigger your desire with the right sensations, emotions, thoughts, and media, to name a few things. Figure out what makes you want sex and how to add it to your life. If you're not sure, check out the sensual health products that can give your libido a boost, like our LubriLove for pleasure enhancement.
The book also discusses how women's desire is much more easily turned off. It doesn't matter how many sexy triggers you create when you're surrounded by those things that turn you off. Everything from body image, chores, stress at work, and relationship issues make it harder to be aroused. Find ways to turn off the brakes where you can and cope when you can't. Meditation, mindfulness, therapy, or even a relaxing massage can all help with that.
For more ways to improve your sex life and become more comfortable with intimacy, visit Vagy Rejuvenation.